Movie Review: Transylmania

Well, it was bound to happen. With vampires showing up in both the movies and on TV, someone was bound to make a spoof movie. Transylmania is that movie. I was expecting something along the lines of the Scary Movie franchise. Turns out they were trying to take themselves a little more seriously having a legitimate plot and some legitimate laughs. Neither were very consistent.

The basic premise of the movie is that Rusty (Oren Skoog) has met Draguta (Irena Hoffman), a hot looking Romanian chick on the Internet. He decides to study abroad in Romania in order to hook up with her. In the processes he has managed to convince a number of his friends to go with him. As they travel over they find out that the school, Razvan U, is located in a castle that has a vampire history in a book written about the school by one of the school's professors, a vampire slayer, Teodora van Sloan (Musetta Vander). Skoog gets double duty playing Radu, the head vampire.

So initially the movie starts of as a road trip, then a buddy movie with LOTS of buddies. Usually buddy movies are two friends, or maybe four with couple pairings; this movie had ten. Two of the students are stoners. There is the vampire lore set up at by the telling of the castle history and several love stories both with human and vampires included. Add in some of the physical and visual "humor" of a Scary Movie and mix well. Unfortunately, when the cupcaskets come out of this oven, some are topped very nicely and others are half baked.

The stoners are Pete (Patrick Cavanaugh) and Wang (Paul Hansen Kim) who are always looking for the good buzz. They add the Harold and Kumar element to this movie. Funny thing is Wang's hair is a tribute to Bride of Frankenstein. They were the funniest thing about this movie.

As the vampire slayer van Sloan, Vander does an OK job. Although watching her where she is out trying to kill Radu or teaching her students about self defense reminded me of Catherine Zeta Jones in The Legend of Zorro. Very feisty and sexy dressed up in all the leather. They just needed to add the soft light filter. Grrrr.

The cornerstone of the movie was about Radu and his love Stephania and a music box. This sets up all the conflict for the movie as Radu searches for the music box in order to get Stephania back. This by itself as the plot for a regular not satiric vampire movie would have worked on it's own. Vampire finds sorceress, vampire looses sorceress, vampire works to get sorceress back, a tale as old as time. The majority of the rest of the plot seems to be taken from recycled Scooby Doo scripts. "I would have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for those dang kids!"

With the castle, I'm not sure how much was stage and how much was real. In the credits they did thank various Romanian agencies. There were a number of scenes both inside and outside the castle where you could see the actor's breath. For this movie, I have to believe it was real. I couldn't see them visually adding this as a special effect especially since no one was complaining that the place was cold or uncomfortable that way. Think Jack and Rose as they became ice cubes, that was an added visual.

The movie has fart jokes (sorry, but do they ever get old? and a small tip of the hat to Young Frankenstein), getting stoned, buddy misunderstandings, good guy/bad guy look a likes, weird sex positions, bared breasts and vomiting that all earn this one hour thirty two minute movie its R rating.

Should you go see this? Well, if you have some loose change at the bottom of you pocket that adds up to the price of the matinee ticket and you really, really have to do something with it, eh, why not. If you're tastes are a little bit higher, I think Planet 51 is still playing.